you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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