I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Fuck appropriateness.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
