I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
