He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
