They should really pass out barf bags in church
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
