how can u be prego again
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize