Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
