when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize