Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
