i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize