Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
