oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm both gender and math confused
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
