I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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