Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
