Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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