I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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