Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
