If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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