I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize