I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
