Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
false alarm. still invincible.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
