Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
