if only i could text you this smell
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
