i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
