I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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