He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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