We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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