My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
