Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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