Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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