i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Randomize