I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
