my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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