oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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