why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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