It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
