A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
