So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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