Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
