I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
