i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
