dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
