The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize