At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
