We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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