How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
