so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
