They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize