I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
