next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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