It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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