I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
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