kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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