That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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