I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize