Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
