I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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