The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
