What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
