just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
