I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
