I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
