i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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