i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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