Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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