Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
is wine microwaveable?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
