yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
